January 1, 2023
Ephesians 5:21-33
“Mastering the Mystery that is Marriage”
Service Overview: Submission is an uncomfortable word in our culture because we’ve been heavily conditioned to hate it, yet, God’s Word calls all Christians to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. What’s this have to do with marriage anyway?
Memory Verse for the Week:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 (NIV)
Background Insights:
- Paul’s practical section of Ephesians (chapters 4–6) begins with an exhortation for all believers to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love” (4:1-2). These words set the tone for the rest of the letter, including Paul’s treatment of family and other interpersonal relationships. (Charles R. Swindoll, Swindoll’s Living Insights: Galatians & Ephesians, 335)
- The phrase “without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind . . . holy and without blemish” again pictures the bride’s preparations in order to be ready. It was traditional for a bride to take a ritual bath just before her wedding as a symbol of her chastity. Similarly, the sacrament of baptism demonstrates the Christian’s desire that God should find him or her pure and faithful when Christ returns to claim his bride, the church. (Bruce Barton, Ephesians, 115)
- Being the head carries two different meanings. Though commonly held as the director or controller today, in biblical times the center of one’s control was considered to be in the bowels of the person. Head carried not so much the idea of control as it did primacy. The head was first, and as such received emphasis. Being first it was also the source for what was to follow. Thus, Paul’s interpretation of the garden experience of Adam and Eve states that man was the superior individual because he was created first (see 1 Timothy 2:13). (Mark A. Holmes, Ephesians, Kindle Location 3191)
- 5:25. Although it was assumed that husbands should love their wives, ancient household codes never list love as a husband’s duty; such codes told husbands only to make their wives submit. Although Paul upholds the ancient ideal of wifely submission for his culture, he qualifies it by placing it in the context of mutual submission: husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, by willingly laying down their lives for them. At the same time that he relates Christianity to the standards of his culture, he subverts his culture’s values by going far beyond them. Both husbands and wives must submit and love (5:2, 21). (Craig S. Keener, IVP Bible Commentary: New Testament, 292)
- The word “love” (agapao) means seeking the highest good for another person (cf. 2:4). This is an unselfish love as seen in Christ’s sacrificial death in which He gave Himself up for the church ( 5:2; John 10:11, 15, 17-18; Gal. 1:4; Eph. 5:25; Heb. 9:14). (Harold W. Hoehner, The Bible Knowledge Commentary: New Testament, 641)
What ideals does Paul hold up for a winning marriage and church here?
- Mutually submissive love.
(vv. 21-22 | John 13:14; Rom. 12:10; 1 Corinthians 16:14; Philippians 2:3-8; Hebrews 13:17)
Our concept of submission must come from that which exists between Christ and the church: Christ loves the church, and she submits to him. We must not base it on either a feminist or chauvinist view. Christian marriage involves mutual submission, subordinating our personal desires for the good of the loved one and submitting ourselves to Christ as Lord. (Bruce Barton, Ephesians, 112)
To submit is to put the will of the other ahead of your will. To love is to put the needs of the other ahead of your needs. (Merida, Ephesians, 140)
- Self-sacrificing leadership.
(vv. 25, 28 | John 13:14; Rom. 13:1; 1 Cor. 11:3; Phil. 2:5-8; Colossians 3:19; 1 Peter 5:3)
In Ephesians 5, Paul shows us that even on earth Jesus did not use his power to oppress us but sacrificed everything to bring us into union with him. And this takes us beyond the philosophical to the personal and the practical. If God had the gospel of Jesus’ salvation in mind when he established marriage, then marriage only ‘works’ to the degree that approximates the pattern of God’s self-giving love in Christ.” (Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage, 34)
Sacrificial love dies to self and serves the one it loves in unsung domestic heroism. (R. Kent Hughes, Preaching the Word: Ephesians, 217)
- Ambition toward sanctification.
(vv. 26-27 | John 17:17; 1 Cor. 6:11; 2 Cor. 5:17; Galatians 2:20; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)
When we men read verses 25–27 together, we cannot escape our huge responsibility. Is our wife more like Christ because she is married to us? Or is she like Christ in spite of us? Whatever our effect, our call is clear: sanctifying love. (R. Kent Hughes, Preaching the Word: Ephesians, 219)
Christ gave himself for the church, that he might sanctify it in this world, and glorify it in the next, that he might bestow on all his members a principle of holiness, and deliver them from the guilt, the pollution, and the dominion of sin, by those influences of the Holy Spirit, of which baptismal water was the outward sign. (Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary on the Whole Bible, 1289)
- Self-care which results in mutual benefit.
(vv. 28-29 | Prov. 16:5; Mark 1:35; 12:31; Rom. 12:1-3; 1 Cor. 6:19-20; 1 Peter 3:3-4; 4:8)
As a man nourishes and tenderly cares for his own body, he should also do the same for his wife, who is one with him. Why? Again Paul draws on of the example given by Christ, who nourishes and cares for his body, the church. As Christ nourishes and cares for believers, so husbands must imitate Christ in their loving concern and care for their wives. (Barton, Ephesians, 117)
Conclusion… What can we do in light of this text as Jesus’ bride today?
A. Work to redeem the concept of submission.
(John 13:4-17; Mat. 20:26-28; Romans 12:10; Ephesians 5:21; Hebrews 13:17; 1 Peter 5:5)
Mutual submission is an important reality for the church if it is to function as it should. Jesus taught us both by example and word that the path toward greatness in the Kingdom is by becoming a servant to the least. (Holmes, Ephesians, Location 3126)
Though the dynamics of relationship are different, humankind must realize the need for mutual submission if we are to function as a society. As much as we may resist it, the inescapable fact remains that for any people to coexist, a sense of submission must prevail. (Holmes, Ephesians, Location 3126)
B. Fight the distorted view of love that pervades our world today.
(John 3:16; 15:13; Rom. 8:7; 12:10; 13:8; 1 Cor. 13; Col. 2:20; 1 Thes. 4:3-5; 1 John 4:7-8)
Paul’s radical call to marital love was a bare-knuckled swing at the domestic ethics of his time—much as it is today. Taken seriously, the naked force of these words, “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” is staggering! There is no honest Christian husband who can hear or read these words and not feel the punch. (R. Kent Hughes, Preaching the Word: Ephesians, 216)
Our culture says that feelings of love are the basis for actions of love. And of course that can be true. But it is truer to say that actions of love can lead consistently to feelings of love. (Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage, 75)
C. Die to self for the sake of your spouse.
(Matthew 23:11-12; Luke 22:24-26; John 10:11, 15, 13:14; Eph 5:2; 5:25; Heb. 9:14)
Men, marriage is a call to die. Dying to self may involve sacrificing your schedule and even good ambitions. It means giving yourself away for the good of your bride. It involves crucifying your flesh and resolving to be faithful to your bride, not yielding to the temptations of lust, anger, and pride. (Tony Merida, Exalting Jesus in Ephesians, 143)
While it is important for couples to work through communication problems, financial problems, personality issues, the past, and other issues, let us remember that the ultimate issue in marriage is this: Are you surrendered to the lordship of Christ? Will you submit to Him in all areas of life? If the starting point for marriage is me, then I am starting at the wrong place. Marriage exists for Christ’s glory. Let your marriage be an offering of worship as you love each other, forgive each other, serve each other. Let your relationship serve as an aroma of Christ before a watching world. (Tony Merida, Exalting Jesus in Ephesians, 142)
Gospel Application…
Jesus died for the sake of his bride, and as his bride calls us to do the same.
(John 13:35; 15:13; Rom. 5:8; 12:10; Ephesians 5:21; Philippians 2:5; Colossians 3:13-14)
Marriage is so much like salvation and our relationship with Christ that Paul says you can’t understand marriage without looking at the gospel. (Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage, 95)
Spiritual Challenge Questions…
Reflect on these questions in your time with the Lord this week, or discuss with a Christian family member or Life Group.
- What does it mean to be submissive to another person? Why is submission so hard for many people? What are some practical ways Christians can submit to one another?
- How does the illustration of marriage as a picture of Christ and the church give purpose and hope for marriage?
- How might “sacrificial love” be displayed by husbands and wives in marriage practically? How about those who are single?
- What is one challenge to harmony that you face in your relationships?
- What specific attitudes and actions do you need to give up in order to apply the principles of today’s text? What specific attitudes and actions do you need to cultivate in order to model your relationship after that of Christ and His church?
Quotes to note…
Out of the many commands Paul has shared with his readers regarding the appropriate behavior of Christians, there are few as far-reaching and influential as the need to submit one to another. (Holmes, Ephesians, Kindle Location 3111)
What marriage is for: It is a way for two spiritual friends to help each other on their journey to become the persons God designed them to be. (Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage, 12)
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. (C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves, 123)
Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. (Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage, 35)
Many Christians have adopted the ego-centered canon of self-fulfillment as the ground for their union. Marriage is seen more as an alliance to promote personal growth than a lifelong commitment to mutual love and service. Thus, when difficulties arise, Christian men and women simply step out of the situation, much as one does from a change of clothes. (R. Kent Hughes, Preaching the Word: Ephesians, 209)
Both sexes are equal. Both bear the image of God and are equal in their standing and in their spiritual gifts for service. The New Testament Scripture supports this. “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). The Haustafel here in Ephesians presents men and women in an ordered equality in which there is no superiority or inferiority—simply differing roles. (R. Kent Hughes, Preaching the Word: Ephesians, 212)
We have to be very careful not to overstate this biblical teaching on authority. It does not mean that the authority of husbands, parents and masters is unlimited, or that wives, children and workers are required to give unconditional obedience. No, the submission required is to God’s authority delegated to human beings. If, therefore, they misuse their God-given authority (e.g. by commanding what God forbids or forbidding what God commands), then our duty is no longer conscientiously to submit, but conscientiously to refuse to do so. (Stott, God’s New Society: The Message of Ephesians, 218)
Submission has nothing to do with the order of authority, but rather governs the operation of authority, how it is given and how it is received. (Warren Wiersbe, Be Rich: Ephesians, 129)